What Are Your Arms Giving Away?

Last month I wrote a post entitled ‘What Are Your Eyes Giving Away’. I’d like to follow this with another body language article looking at what our arm signals are telling other people and what other’s arm signals are telling us.

We all know someone who is very melodramatic, when you think of that person having one of their melodramatic moments do they have their hands in their pocket or are their arms waving about all over the place? More than likely they will be showing their excitement with their facial expressions, their voice and their hand and arm movements.

Our arm movements can tell a lot about how we are feeling. For example if we are bored and feeling down we try and make ourselves smaller and keep our hands hidden and our arms tight into our body, this is the minds way of trying to make our bodies small and unseen. Conversely people who are very confident, particularly men, have their arms sprawled out while sitting down and try to make themselves look as big as possible, this is the minds way of telling the body to look large and intimidating, it’s an animal thing.

Arms Crossed

Learning to read people’s arm movements in conjunction with other body language signals will boost your social skills and confidence. It has to be emphasized that body language skills have to be read in conjunction with other signals. For example take a look at the two photos:

Normally, folding ones arms is a sign of being defensive but as you can see from photo number 2 that he doesn’t seem to be displaying any other defensive body language signs e.g. the smile, his eyes also smile, and his open raised eyes. So be careful when interpreting body language and look for other corroborating signals to back up your first clue.

It has to be said that crossing your arms on any occasion is not a good idea due to the deep rooted association we have with folded arms across the chest.

Arms Crossed Fists Clenched

This is a very defensive position and one that has two or more signals together to reinforce the fact that this person is on the defensive and are angry. More than likely they will also be scowling and staring intently.

We often see young children doing this when they have just got into trouble for something, or when they don’t get what they want.

This childlike behaviour is often displayed by adults who are used to getting their own way and revert to this form of sulking when things don’t go their own way.  This is more than likely a trait they carried throughout their childhood and have not managed to shake it off into their adult life.

Hugging Yourself

When we were younger and received comfort from our mothers or father in the form of a hug, it made us feel secure and less vulnerable to the world. when we are adults or in situations when we are uncomfortable we sometimes try and recreate these feelings of comfort by hugging ourselves. This is particularly true of women and is less often seen in men.

As you can see in the photo this is a form of hugging and the young woman looks vulnerable and possibly scared. she may be out of her comfort zone or just uncomfortable.

When in large groups of people we don’t know we will sometimes just hug our self using one arm. One arm will be at our side and the other arm is crossed over our body and holding the other arm. This is a sign of feeling uncomfortable and uneasy within the group and can often happen in a group of people we don’t know. Again, it’s generally women who display this partial hug, but not always.

Hugging your legs is also a sign of feeling vulnerable and insecure. We may have seen images of young children, on television, hugging their legs and looking scared, and this can be quite distressing to watch. This is may be why some charities use images like these to convey the plight of young children and emotionally charge us to give money to their charity.

Feeling Free

What do you do when you feel joyous and your life is going great. You don’t have work for a few weeks, you have no financial troubles and life is great. You might throw your arms up in the air in delight. Obviously you wouldn’t keep doing it, that would just make you look silly. When we feel free and released of tension of some kind we want to open ourselves and throw our arms out as if we were a plant soaking up the suns energy.

We might also do it when we have triumphed at something in our lives. The very act of throwing our arms in the air and taking a deep breath can be enough to momentarily re-create the feeling of being joyful. Try it now, and observe how you feel the moment you do it.

Feeling Confident

Men often make themselves look bigger with their arms in order to show how confident they are. They also do it to intimidate other people and show them that ‘This is my territory.’ Sitting on a seat they may stretch out their arms to go out along the back of the seats and open their legs wide.

They might also put their hands behind their hand, lean back and make themselves look bigger this way. This is a sign of confidence and feeling at ease in the company of others. It might be misconstrued as being ‘cocky’ however it depends on the situation. If someone were to do this in front of a new group of people they had just met it could be argued that this is being ‘cocky’ or ‘arrogant’. If the person is totally comfortable and is with friends it’s a sign of confidence and feeling at ease.

Arm Signals When Flirting

When we are talking to someone, either in a group or alone, we unconsciously give off signals telling others how we feel about them.

Here are some subtle flirting arm signals which will tell you if someone is flirting with you.

Touching your arm

If someone touches your arm whilst talking to you it is a sign that they want your full attention. Men and women don’t touch someone’s arm, or anywhere else, if they do not like them, they keep a distance. So if someone touches your arm it is a sure sign that they are attracted to you or want your full attention.

Stroking Their Arm

This is usually done by the female to show that she is interested in a guy. It is a subtle way of touching herself in a non sexual way but shows they guy that she is interested in him touching her.

Leaning back resting on hands

Again this is usually a female trait and it can be done when one leg is tucked under the other leg so her knee is pointing toward you. The woman is comfortable and is not afraid to show you she is interested.

The old arm around the chair routine

Done by both men and women when sitting next to each other, he will put his arm across the back of the chair she is sitting on or vice versa. It’s like the old fake stretch and yawn routine at the cinema, that nobody ever used but has been depicted on TV so many times that we all think a lot of people must have tried it. It’s a way of marking territory as well if the arm is kept there after the conversation has ended.

Leaning forward elbows on knees

This is another sign that someone is flirting with you and is keen on what you have to say. Be careful with this one as it might be that they cannot hear you in a noisy room so look for other signals as well.

I bet you didn’t think that the arms could give so much information away about you. let us know what you think about this or share your own stories.

Related Posts:

1. What Are Your Eyes Giving Away?